Hobbies for couples: Are they Essential for Marriage?

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I love my husband to the moon and back. In fact, I have had a crush on him since we were 12. So we have known each other for quite a while and like most married people of 7+ years, we feel like we know each other pretty well.

And our personalities could not be more different. When it comes to hobbies and interests, as a couple we share almost nothing.   If we each described our perfect Saturday you, they would look extremely different.

I would love to spend my days reading, going for walks, sipping wine with friends and going to unique events around our city.

My husband would prefer to spend his free time watching action movies and playing video games.  

While we make sacrifices and fake interest in each other’s hobbies (Eric doesn’t actually enjoy going with me to the farmers market and I am not very good at smiling and nodding as he tells me about the strategies that come with playing video games), our leisurely activities don’t really mesh.

Even the TV shows that we watch don’t line up. Eric likes to watch shows about SWAT Teams and I like to watch the Bachelor.  

So is it a problem to not share hobbies in common with your spouse?

  From my personal experience, I would say no. I believe our marriage (of 7 years) is really strong even though we don’t have overlapping areas of interest. Sometimes, I think it is even a benefit because we bring different things to the table. We each have different things to teach each other and have unique experiences and perspectives because of our separate interests.  

I also don’t think it is a bad thing if you and your husband love to do all of the same things. If you both love to go hiking, then more power to ya! Maybe you are both passionate about being in the know when it comes to the trendiest restaurants in your area. That is great! Keep doing those things together.  

For a while, I watched other couples (mostly through the filter of Instagram) who seemed to have all the same hobbies. They ran marathons together. They enjoyed art museums together. They may have even both loved to go camping, although I am skeptical that anyone actually loves camping.  

Seeing all of those couples who had shared hobbies made me really insecure about my marriage since my husband and I didn’t seem to share any of the same likes or interests. I wondered if that made us a bad fit for each other. What would we do as we grew old? Could we really love each other if we didn’t share a passion for camping or hiking or food?  

As we have progressed in our marriage, and as we have been mentored by real couples who are a few years ahead of us (not just by following them on social media), I have realized that those shared hobbies don’t matter. What matters is having shared values and beliefs, which are really the foundations of marriage.  

If all Eric and I had in common was our shared love of gardening or trendy restaurants, we would fall apart pretty quickly. Dinner conversations would be surface level and making decisions about big issues would be incredibly difficult.  

So while my husband and I don’t have many shared hobbies, we agree on our faith, politics, and the values we want to build our family on. And while those things aren’t as easy to show off via Instagram, they are the reason why we are able to support each other in all aspects of life, including our own separate hobbies.    

Next time you look through Instagram and see that couple who just loves to do everything together, don’t let that worry you if your own marriage looks different. Focus on you and your husband and the things that really matter. If you love running and he loves hunting, that just gives you guys more to talk about and teach each other!    

  Do you and your husband share hobbies? What are some of your favorite things to do with your spouse? Let me know in the comments below!

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